Lets Talk Opinions

In this day in time it seems people have become so uptight when it comes to opinions.  People are experiencing fear among their own thoughts and beliefs. This world is so full of hatred that we can't even share our own opinions on our own beliefs without being fearful of being ridiculed.

Well we all have our own opinions and we shouldn't fear sharing them.

I have many topics I can't wait to share with you all but first I want to bring forth my opinion on the partial government shutdown.

I totally agree with "building" a wall to stop more illegal immigrants coming into American. I, however, dont agree with the government shutdown. Here is why, and totally my own outlook an opinion on it. Yes, I do know people who agree with me.

There are many Americans who work these government jobs that arent getting paid to do so.

Cutting off funding for food stamps and WIC is absurd.  No, I am not oblivously naive to the fact people do abuse the systems. But not everyone does. There are genuine people who work and bust there asses that need the extra help. There are elderly people who busted their asses working to now need extra help just to get by.  WIC help feed babies. Do I feel babies will starve, no but before its all said and done if the shutdown last it will hurt everyone economically. 

I also feel if the "illegal immigrants" are already in the states by work visa most likely, they have maintain that visa and are still doing things the right way, and/or have made a family here, should not be deported. That they should be given a legitimate chance to obtain citizen ship. 

Again even thought I dont agree with how things are being down doesnt mean I hate our president.  I do NOT agree with some things that are being said about him, toward him, or Even his family. No matter the hatred or disagreement you have against anyone, should not make you a cyber bully. Because that is what it is, cyber bullying.

Again my own opinions.

I plan on hoping way sooner than later making a post solely on food stamps. Because although government assitance comes in all kinds a ways. The food stamp topic in itself is the worse. Before endimg this to begin that post I will say that in the last few years I have never seen so many people come out of the woodwork (internet hiding, keyboard warriors, as Ive seen since the day Trump was elected president. As well as in the last week alone I have never seen so many judgemental people as I have in literally the last six days.

Again these are my opinions. .
Love you all

Diedra

What's Ahead For 2019?

Resolutions, I don't like making them to be honest.  I feel like a lot of times its just a New year tradition that it started way back when and people got accustom to have resolutions. Therefor,  I don't really have a resolution but things I want to improve or things I'd love to achieve with the mindset that if I don't achieve them; that its ok. 

That leads me into what's ahead for 2019, things that I may achieve before 2020 but won't beat myself up if I don't.   It may have a lot but somethings can tie into each other.

2019 I want to:
* Get Organized; because lets face it I try so hard to "be" organized but in reality I live within a very cluttered mind.
*Let go of things I can not control.
* I want to start Vlogging & blogging more. (Which I know I have mention a few post back about starting a new one that strictly focuses around mental illness. Well I'm hoping to get that going soon, maybe tomorrow get it up and running. But lets face it, I havent had a chance to start it due to the holidays.)
* Be more adventurous
*More Date nights with Ken(I want to strive for one every month)
* Girls night (ya know, we all grow up and have families of our own)
* more one on one time with my kids and together with both.

Those are just a few things, I have more that I've wrote down in my planner, so I will add more when I get to it.

You may ask about why the two blogs, well because when starting this one I wanted to focus around things that was more family and lifestyle. But in the last two years I have experience a lot from my mental illness even to this day  and feel that by sharing my stories through, addiction, anxiety, depression, and sobriety that it will show and help others in knowing there is Hope And Life After All. So stay tuned my friends. We have winter weather moving in and well I don't like winter to begin with but when ya throw in an icy mix, I turn into a homebody.

Anyways, its way past my bedtime, well kind of because bedtime is different for me every night.

So share your New Year thoughts, things you want to approve, or if you make a resolution. Tell me....

Love
Diedra

Chaotically Busy

This time of year gets busy for us with all the holidays.  From the first week of October to January we stay so busy. But since literally the moment I woke up Friday December 13th, I've been on go go go and its December 17th.
December 13th ran errands for my parents and I. Then Brayden had his Winter Wonderland Dance 2018 at the same time as Ken's work Christmas Party.  Luckily they let us drop Brayden off 20 mins early so we could get to Ken's party. Which by the way was extremely awesome. We won a Keurig, $100, a tape measure, and a few other things.  My sister picked up Ryleigh from my parents, then Brayden from the dance. Once we got home we got the kids ready for bed after letting them tell us about their night. On top Saturday the 14th, Brayden ended up staying up ALL night. If you don't know Brayden has ADHD and Autism, sometimes with the ADHD medicine causes insomnia. So usually on Friday nights we let him go to bed when he wants to even though we still give him melatonin to help him fall asleep.  But this particular night we were out, so he stayed up all night and On Saturday, when I woke up I ran to town to run my mom a few errands, and when I got back to her house he was completely PASSED out. Meaning he missed his schools parade, so once I got home after that, we got ready and went to watch the Christmas parade that Ryleigh was in. It was FREEZING and began getting colder.  We went back to my parents, because not sure if I have really posted this about my dad being sick. But my fiance helps him get out of the bath tub, he can get in and wash himself but has trouble getting out.  So while doing that I had to get stuff from Walmart for my parents so I took Brayden, Cody (Ryleigh's Boyfriend, yes boyfriend), and Ryleigh to walmart with me and let Brayden spend his $4.00, I ended up added money to him getting a tamagotchi. Then once we got home we all got ready for bed, well once we drop Cody off, BECAUSE, the following day, Sunday December 16th, we headed to our family Christmas Party. Which was awesome, just the drive sucked. But it was worth it to get away from home for a little bit. 

Today is the 19th and has been the first time that I have been home since Friday and got to do anything. Mainly because my car won't start. But God has a way of showing us we have to slow down. 

However, I am still working on getting a blog up for my new Instagram name, HOPEANDLIFEAFTERALL but having difficulties. May work on that a little later but now gotta finish this house. 

I've Made A Decision

For months now something has weighed heavy on my heart, after months of thought processing I have decided that I am finally gonna do what I feel I was put on this earth to do.

I want to help people who have struggled/ struggles with mental illness and addiction.

I want people who do struggle with mental illness that its ok not to be ok. Its ok to get help.

I took my first step last night and started an Instagram page called Hope & Life After All. However, I will keep this blog for you guessed it our crazy chaotic lives. But within the next few weeks will start a new blog to go with my Instagram page. Once up and running I will post the links with this blog.

My hope is for one day that mental illness doesn't make a person feel ashamed.

2019 is gonna be my year.
2019 is gonna the year that finally shines light on people being a human. 

I'm declaring now in Jesus Name 2019 will be my year.

Love Always,

The Occassionally Chaotic Mom

Diedra

So Today Is National Boyfriend Day!!

So I have seen all over social media today that it's national boyfriend day.  Well, I have a fiance does that count. He means the absolute world to me, even on days when I feel my worse.   Let me tell you what he is all about, he's a very kind a loving man to walk into a relationship almost seven years ago and take on a roll as a boyfriend but a father figure.  When getting with me, I am  a package deal, I had two small children at the time by previous relationships.  He didn't care, he came into this relationship with knowledge of these two kids and now almost seven years later you couldn't tell him they weren't his children.  He selflessly gets up for work everyday to provide for his family. We recently have been through a lot with me coming off pain medicine because I was once addicted but he loved me through it and love conquered all. I am thankful for this man, to love me to no end. He's a wonderful person and it would take me hours to tell you everything. 


Always remember when you have someone like Ken in your life, don't let it slip away because the love he shows me daily is rare. It's true love, we get on one anothers nerves but we fight for what is ours. That's each other.

I love you Kenneth Robert

Thank You for Loving me.

It Was Pretty Easy

My "recovery" was pretty easy, I went into this thinking I was going to be miserable and in all reality I haven't been.  The first week was slightly challenging because I decided to quit taking Ultram cold turkey and to prevent me from having withdrawal symptoms they put me on clonidine and buspar (for anxiety).  Three days of being a zombie we discovered the clonidine was trying to kill me. I already am on a strong blood pressure medicine on top of a medicine they use for withdrawal symptoms is also used for high blood pressure. So my blood pressure was bottoming out, made me sleepy.  I felt like a walking zombie.  Even after quitting the clonidine, I battled with a little bit of anxiety the first few weeks.  The second week into going cold turkey off of pain killers I had taken for over five years, my daughter left with my sister and her fiance to go on vacation 14 hours away from me. The following day after she left my fiance left to go visit family for the weekend. I was anxious and scared, my baby is gone 14 hours away from me and my fiance and I had a huge blow out not even a week prior.   I learned a lot that weekend he was gone. I learned its ok to spend time apart. I learned that I have to stop sweating the small things. I learned that we all have insecurities. Even men, they just don't show them like women do. 

However it's now been almost 2 months and I am doing great. I love that I am finally back to me. I love keeping my house clean now. I learned to live life again. That is something I am extremely proud of. 

Always remember someone who becomes addicted to something did make the choice to take the "drug", mine were given to me by a doctor.  Others get addicted to street drugs. But before judging someone who becomes what people view as an addict. That yes they chose to take it but they didn't chose to become an addict.  Before judging as well remember it can happen to anyone at any given time.  

That's pretty much all I have for an update. 

Enjoy!!!

Diedra

Healing Takes Time

I wrote a blog post but never published it, fear I'd be judged more than I am today. 

Therefore, I haven't fallen asleep yet and felt the need to update.

On August 24th, I decided to make a change. I for almost 5 years took pain killers to suppress pain in my jaw because I have TMJ. However, two years ago, my  pain became more but invisible to the public eye. I have osteoporosis in my left hip, nerve damage in my left leg, and degenerative disc disease. I came in contact with a pain specialist who up my pain meds by 120 a month.  I became addicted. I wanted more.  But I was taking them for the wrong reasons. I was hiding emotional pain. That emotional pain became unbearable in April 2018 when my dad got sick.  I would take more to numb feeling anything.   I started having seizures well two to be exact.  That left me unresponsive. I miscarried a baby three days after my 33rd birthday.  My life was spiraling out of control, and I was losing everyone around me that cared. I didn't feel good enough, I didnt care if I got out of bed. I didn't care who I was hurting.  The pain medicine done nothing but tried to kill me and turned me into someone I never said I'd be.  I was losing the man I have loved now for almost 7 years. I hit rock bottom I became a person I hated to look at In a mirror. I hated me.

It's now almost a month but it seems so much longer.   I'm healing from emotional pain I can't change because I have no control over.  My relationship is improving with Ken, my kids, my family, and my friends. I've gotten back to who I once was. I don't crave the pain medicine. I've actually have been in less pain than I was on pain medicine.   I haven't been on anxiety medicine for now three days. I'm doing great. I haven't been this happy in a long time. 

It took me hitting rock bottom to realize that wasn't my life.  Now,  I have paid for it. Because through this healing process we've learned that the pain meds have caused damaged to my heart in a way of its taken almost a month to get my blood pressure regulated.  Which is a scaring thing because my BP was getting so high, I was in stroke level.

I have learned to love soberly again. I have learned that it's ok to be sad, mad, angry, or emotional. That I am human and everyone has a bad day.  I've also learned that it's ok to hurt for others and show empathy but to understand that it isn't my problem to dwell on. I've also learned it's ok to say no.

I've learned that I'd never willing invite a thief into my home. Therefore, I've no longer am allowing thoughts to steal my joy and make permanent residency in my mind.

I want to thank those who took time out to read this, who have sent encouraging words, and who have been there.  I want to thank the good Lord for sparing my life, and helping me threw this because without him I wouldn't have made it this far. As well as for Ken, he's my biggest support. Through this he never stopped loving me and caring that I'd wake up and get off them to make things right.

Before I go I want to apologize to Ken,  because through this all love conquered all, I done this for myself because the love this man has given finally showed me I am good enough to be loved and to be alive for our kids, our families, and friends.

Sincerely

Diedra