I am normally the type of person who usually does not get embarrassed easily. Quite frankly I can only come up with a handful of times I have ever been embarrassed. I mean you grow up with a fairly large breast size for an adolescent girl you kind of brush off embarrassment when your bra size because a topic in the middle of Wal-Mart.
But, oh there's a but. I do remember vividly the time my now 13 year old daughter at two years old embarrassed the shit out of me in the middle of JC Penny's.
Children, shall I say toddlers, have no shame, they can do anything and it be cute. Right?
Wrong..
So there was this time where my then 2 year old and I were standing in line at JC Penny's fixing to check out. Ryleigh at that age was at the stage of learning independence and wanted to test the waters or shall I say my patience. For the most part we were the last in line waiting to be seen, so anytime I needed to step out of my spot to grab her I got my spot back. This all happened in roughly a 15 minute time frame. The elderly couple in front of me were returning a few things and purchasing as well. The moment they were done checking out and turning around to step out of the doors, my daughter let one rip. Yes, my then two year old farted so loudly it was a mixed sound between a grown man and a grizzly bear. As I went to apologize for my daughters loud flatulence she plain as day says with pride, "Mommy, Why'd ya do that for?" The elderly couple looked at me and smiled, not sure in disgust thinking I really just let one rip or because they felt sorry for me as I muttered excuse US in pure embarrassment. That or they took a deep breath, smiled, and held their breath until they walk through the cloud of despair. The check out lady even told me it is ok we all have these types of days, where we just can't hold it in. All while my daughter went about her merry little way as if nothing just happened.
Either way to this day I have never felt as embarrassed as I did in those few last moments before checking out. I mean I was 50 shades red instead of grey.
Thank You for stopping by and reading about one of the most embarassing moments of my life.
That Occassionally Chaotic Mom,
Diedra
Opinions.
Everyone Has An Opinion! We all have our beliefs, we all have things we like, or dislike.
Guess What? Its ok that we disagree.
What makes an opinion not an opinion? Is when you start your opinion, someone disagrees and then you start pushing information with facts,made up facts, or because you search the web to find one person who made an article on their beliefs that agree with yours to say these ares facts. Hate to break it to ya NOT everything you read on the internet is fact.
Someone by the name of Kelsi that I don't know from Adam or eve, that sometimes or a few times have shared things they have gone viral, but on one of her comments she said it best.
"Everyone has our opinions, but we like to cram our opinions and thoughts down each others throats, but don't like it when others do it to us."
Really, this world people have gotten to where they don't like talking about what we believe in, don't like sharing our Opinions on anything anymore due to the fact it turns into a heated debate. Then people who do PUSH their opinion on someone to get that person to believe or think the way they do get butthurt when things don't go their way.
I mean seriously face true facts, not everyone is going to like your opinion. Doesn't mean friendships have to be ruined because y'all disagree. The saddest part is people who don't even know a person who may have commented on a post they came across or a comment they came across due to having mutual friends begin belittling a person, become angry toward the person and says mean things all because someone disagreed.
To be 100% honest, I have never seen so many people get butthurt over disageed opinions than I have since Trump has been president. But why? Just because you don't like him or disagree with him doesn't mean the next person has to feel that way.
Opinions people, they aren't set in stone, they do change.
Thanks for stopping by,
The Occassionally Chaotic Mom,
Diedra
Not talking about a gun trigger.
Lets talk mental health triggers and triggers for myself that are out of my control.
Lets be real if you suffer with mental illness almost always there is a trigger that you are aware on top of a chemical imbalance. Over time though you may develop more than one trigger. I use to numb mine with an addiction to pain medicine but being sober I have come to learn what can trigger it.
I often thought that I had general anxiety disorder but in reality I suffer with just anxiety. The only difference between the two is time. My anxiety "flares"up is how I like to describe it. It flares up during very stressful moments or situations in my life. Whereas to be diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder, its the definition of anxiety but lasting 6 months or more. It took me years to realize that my anxiety triggers weren't just my kids. Because I do develop anxiety over my kids situations, the worry wart in me comes out to play. But stress, I have stress related anxiety. During very difficult stress filled situations my anxiety flares up. These are two triggers that I solely only deal with that are out of my control. I do have my occasional anxious feelings but for the most part during these times are just things that could have been avoided.
Avoid stress most people say but that isn't always the case. For example its the time of the year and the very month (February) my fiance gets laid off some. Leaving some of his checks short. Therefor, it becomes stressful to me because February is a short month with the same bills, on top of Valentines day and our sons birthday. Its stress I can't avoid even though I know it will happen and know February will always exist and I can't skip over it, so I cant avoid it the stress. Its almost like the fear of the unknown. Stress of knowing we have bills to pay (they come first), a birthday(well of course I wouldnt ever not buy my kids something for their birthdays), and a holiday (no we don't have to buy for but we do and we don't go over board, candy'stuff animal, & two balloons from dollar tree) to pay for.
Now the things I do to help alleviate the anxiety are different and a few things that I do to help lighten the stress will be up on a different post.
Do you suffer with anxiety? If so do you know what or have you learned your triggers?
With all that being said, I do know people that suffer with anxiety that have never figured out or can't pin point what may be triggering it. As well as I know there are people who are just full of themselves and want someone to feel sorry for them their for they use anxiety as an excuse to gain attention. Which sucks because it makes it hard for people who does suffer with it hard to understand.
Thanks for stopping by my blog, have questions, just ask.
The Occassionally Chaotic Mom,
Diedra
Life is so unfair, or shall I say death is unfair. Today was a normal Friday, woke up tired like usual due to not being able to sleep at night. Got the kids off to school and came home. Got on Facebook to see a very sad post made from a friend of mine. To discover her child, 19 years old had passed away this morning. I will not explain how because I don't know for sure. I will say it wasn't a murder or anything like that. Wanted to say that before continuing with my thoughts.
The passing of my dear friends child has rattled our community. We are all in shock, such a striving young lady with her whole life ahead of her. Why? Why her? My friends don't deserve to have to feel this heartache. They don't deserve to have to plan a funeral. No parent does.
But God why?
I continue to Pray, because that's what I was taught. And I do believe in power of prayer.
However, as an adult my faith is shaken, I won't deny my belief in Jesus Christ. But its situations like this that make me question, why?
Why, If the Lord knows our future why put us through the heart break. My heart literally has broken today like it has for our community and surrounding communities because that's the impact this precious baby has left but I can't even begin to imagine the heart ache my friends are feeling. For privacy reason I will not say their names but please if you read this and pray please lift this family up in your prayers.
Thank You!
The Occassionally Chaotic {heart-broken} Mom
Diedra
Afternoons like today forever just leave a hole in my heart. Because my son has been acting out at school, this is the second time in less than a week. Yes as parents no matter his diagnosis we discipline him and he gets punished for his wrong doings. Today was no different he got punished for being disrespectful, which like the other day lead into an emotional roller coaster of all the emotions thrown together. But both times after going through the emotions and telling every little lie he could to justify him being disresepctful the one thing that didn't change is how heartbroken, frustrated, and feeling like he is ready to give up and quit school in the 4th grade because in his words "He can't keep up, he's struggling!" He struggles in math and he knows it, in return the only emotion he knows how to express is frustration. He is seeing a counselor for play therapy. Which due to holidays and the doctor facility changing to a new provider scheduling has been messed up and he hasn't seen her since the end of november. I'll update ya more after Tuesday when we see his primary physician. But its the hardest thing for me as a parent to see my child break down and hate school because of math. It kills me.
If you are new an unaware my son is Autistic (only affects him socially) and ADHD which is why he struggles in math because a focusing issue.
Here are a few more post on Braydens diagnosis.
With all that being said if you have ever dealt with a child who is Autistic and has ADHD then you will understand what I mean by overstimulated. Due to being extremely overstimulated today, its nearly one in the morning even with his nightly dose of melatonin that was given roughly around 7 p.m. he just fell asleep a few minutes ago. But doesnt mean hes sound asleep he could get up 3 or 4 more times.
I will say I struggle with him and my other child, Ryleigh. I will being doing a update on her as well.
I want to add a disclaimer. I wouldn't trade this life with anyone. I love both my children for who they are and accept them for who they are. I also with or without a diagnosis will not tolerate them being disrespectful to adults. Because we struggle at home with the normal teenager/preteen disrespect. They get put in their place. I do have my opinions on certain situations and I do and have seen with my own eyes that children with disabilities get craddled and I have witness parents say my child can't help it they are autistic and they have ADHD. Yes, I do understand a child who is fully on the spectrum does things differently. But I also know in our experience you have to make them do things that sometimes they don't wanna do. Why? Because with or without a diagnosis they are still human.
Now Lord be with me that I get some restful sleep in the next 4 hours because I gotta be up to take my momma two to three hours away from home depending on traffic and if she closes her eyes so I can go three miles over the speed limit.
Goodnight y'all!!!
The Occassionally Chaotic Mom
Diedra
Scrolling through Facebook like I do every night before heading to bed. I come across a short cartoon "film" playing along with Ed Sherrans song, Perfect. Which has not been the first one I've seen played to this song. Matter of fact the first one brought me to tears because the messaged I received was that you only get one mom and one dad, so to speak. I do understand some get bonus parents but its story was s child sent their mom a robot because they couldn't make it in. When the robot died, all they needed was batteries. At the end of that one the mother died and the robot tried to "change" her batteries but it doesn't work that way. One we die we are home to make the best of life. Anyways, tonight was about to young kids starting out with small beverage stands. They compete so hard against each other for years with bigger and better stands. Before the end they lose sight to the true meaning of why they started the stands in the first place. Once they quit competing and working against each other and started working together they realized their together small little fruits and veggies stand was really what mattered the most.
It was a short cute film that even when feeling down and out because you dont have what someone else has that it doesnt make you less of a person. To remember having the better and bigger things in life doesnt define your happiness.
I also feel this short film showed me to always stay humble and not let trying to be better than the next person cause you to lose sight of what matters most.
The Occasionally Chaotic Mom,
Diedra
I'm being absolutely serious at this very moment it is lightening and thundering in good I'm southern Missouri in the middle of January.
1. The storm is either one that popped up out of no where and the weather channel wasn't expecting it.
2. The weather channel was off by almost seven hours due to it wasn't suppose to have gotten any thunderstorm until 6 am.
3. Lastly the other option is this storm is moving way faster than expected and will be followed by the snow storm predicted coming early as well.
What's more alarming now more than ever is the storm came in very little and light. The minute I get up to check on my son who is terrified of storms we had a thunder hit and it was so loud that it sounded as if someone shot a gun. Needless to say my son has three blankets on him one being weighted and he's noise cancel ear phones. But however, I do believe and pray its just passing through because your girl here don't like very angry thunderstorms. Such as the shuttle thundering and lightning was calming, relaxing, even making me sleepy. The angry lightning and thunder that has my son terrified now has my adrenaline pumping.
A. When weather turns out unexpected where you are from how do you handle it?
B.Does it affect your anxiety if you have anxiety in general?
C.Do you by chance have a child or children that are terrified of storms?
I will answer my own questions to you, because I feel as humans in general deal, cope, and handle things differently in unexpected situations but may have something that others can add in their loves to help them as well.
A. My answer to this probably in all situations help anyone because I really don't have a specific answer. The reason behind this is because I am from southeastern Missouri where all joking aside we can see or experience all four seasons in one week. Such as we are having a thunderstorm in the middle of January and the temperature will rise to almost 50 degrees by 4 a.m. with rain chances of 100% all day. However around I believe the last time I looked around 8 a.m. the temps will start dropping and it is suppose to start snowing by early afternoon. So pretty much for us I say 97% of the time we don't know how to handle unexpected weather because most of the time the weather people can't even tell you what to expect until it hits. During severe thunderstorms where its the angry adrenaline pumping storm we seriously wing it. Usually once the weather storm teams pick it up on radar they start giving us warnings as to how long before it hits.
2. Anxiety, usually my mental illness and I will touch more on this in another blog but I do have general anxiety, mild manic bipolar depressive disorder (I am saying mild due to although I experience the mania, mood changes, mine is more effected by winter weather and most times its controllable due to where we live. And I am no longer on prescription depression meds because over the years ive learned how to control it or learned triggers. Again more on that later)
But unless we start having tornado warnings for example the last two springs we have had a tornado hit just south where we live, like blocks from my house, and north a few miles from of us. Then usually I try and remain calm but still in mommy near mode.
3. Last but Not least, are my children terrified of storms? My son is autistic, you seriously tell a day or two when a storm is comimg because of his sudden mood changes. Like tonight hours before this unexpected storm hit he was extremely emotional. Weve been told by therapist and psychologist the barometric pressure mess with those who are autistic. But believe what terrifies him the most is due to he has never liked loud noises. Now my daughter on the other hand she loves storms. They don't bother her to much. She gets that from her daddy (My fiance, Ken) .
Now its 11:30 PM and it the storm has right now left behind its rain (lol) but for the most part the thunder is off in the distance and havent seem lightning in about eight minutes. There for think its safe to try and go to sleep.
Thanks for hanging around until the end, Goodnight My Friends.
The Occasionally Chaotic Mom,
Diedra
I love blogging and find enjoyment doing it. I also find enjoyment in reaching out and helping others through things I've gone through or goimg through. I have an Instagram @hopeandlifeafteralll that tells a little about some of my struggles with mental illness and once addiction. I have spoke on getting a blog started to follow with that account and leave this for my occasionally chaotic life but have made a temporary decision that I am going to blog just on this account about everything.
One of my reasoning is as I'm sure you can see I have struggled with posting regular and for 2019 I wanted to make it a mission to change that, so instead of adding another blog account I want to focus on posting here more regular.
My other reason is because my struggles and my past addiction is apart of my chaotic life. At times its the reason I've struggled with consistency on my blog.
With all that said, I hope you enjoy more from me and my chaotic life. Because a mother of a teenager and one hitting double digits next month, who both have different personalities and a fiance of seven years I definitely have stories to tell.
So if you like buckle up (or ya don't have to buckle up) and enjoy my Occassionally Chaotic Life that even with the struggles I love.
Sincerely The Occasionally Chaotic Mom,
Diedra
In this day in time it seems people have become so uptight when it comes to opinions. People are experiencing fear among their own thoughts and beliefs. This world is so full of hatred that we can't even share our own opinions on our own beliefs without being fearful of being ridiculed.
Well we all have our own opinions and we shouldn't fear sharing them.
I have many topics I can't wait to share with you all but first I want to bring forth my opinion on the partial government shutdown.
I totally agree with "building" a wall to stop more illegal immigrants coming into American. I, however, dont agree with the government shutdown. Here is why, and totally my own outlook an opinion on it. Yes, I do know people who agree with me.
There are many Americans who work these government jobs that arent getting paid to do so.
Cutting off funding for food stamps and WIC is absurd. No, I am not oblivously naive to the fact people do abuse the systems. But not everyone does. There are genuine people who work and bust there asses that need the extra help. There are elderly people who busted their asses working to now need extra help just to get by. WIC help feed babies. Do I feel babies will starve, no but before its all said and done if the shutdown last it will hurt everyone economically.
I also feel if the "illegal immigrants" are already in the states by work visa most likely, they have maintain that visa and are still doing things the right way, and/or have made a family here, should not be deported. That they should be given a legitimate chance to obtain citizen ship.
Again even thought I dont agree with how things are being down doesnt mean I hate our president. I do NOT agree with some things that are being said about him, toward him, or Even his family. No matter the hatred or disagreement you have against anyone, should not make you a cyber bully. Because that is what it is, cyber bullying.
Again my own opinions.
I plan on hoping way sooner than later making a post solely on food stamps. Because although government assitance comes in all kinds a ways. The food stamp topic in itself is the worse. Before endimg this to begin that post I will say that in the last few years I have never seen so many people come out of the woodwork (internet hiding, keyboard warriors, as Ive seen since the day Trump was elected president. As well as in the last week alone I have never seen so many judgemental people as I have in literally the last six days.
Again these are my opinions. .
Love you all
Diedra
Resolutions, I don't like making them to be honest. I feel like a lot of times its just a New year tradition that it started way back when and people got accustom to have resolutions. Therefor, I don't really have a resolution but things I want to improve or things I'd love to achieve with the mindset that if I don't achieve them; that its ok.
That leads me into what's ahead for 2019, things that I may achieve before 2020 but won't beat myself up if I don't. It may have a lot but somethings can tie into each other.
2019 I want to:
* Get Organized; because lets face it I try so hard to "be" organized but in reality I live within a very cluttered mind.
*Let go of things I can not control.
* I want to start Vlogging & blogging more. (Which I know I have mention a few post back about starting a new one that strictly focuses around mental illness. Well I'm hoping to get that going soon, maybe tomorrow get it up and running. But lets face it, I havent had a chance to start it due to the holidays.)
* Be more adventurous
*More Date nights with Ken(I want to strive for one every month)
* Girls night (ya know, we all grow up and have families of our own)
* more one on one time with my kids and together with both.
Those are just a few things, I have more that I've wrote down in my planner, so I will add more when I get to it.
You may ask about why the two blogs, well because when starting this one I wanted to focus around things that was more family and lifestyle. But in the last two years I have experience a lot from my mental illness even to this day and feel that by sharing my stories through, addiction, anxiety, depression, and sobriety that it will show and help others in knowing there is Hope And Life After All. So stay tuned my friends. We have winter weather moving in and well I don't like winter to begin with but when ya throw in an icy mix, I turn into a homebody.
Anyways, its way past my bedtime, well kind of because bedtime is different for me every night.
So share your New Year thoughts, things you want to approve, or if you make a resolution. Tell me....
Love
Diedra
