Depression

Considering the recent death of Robin Williams, depression seem to be a good topic.

Depression isn't just a take a pill feel better kind of disease. Depression controls your life. EVERY aspect of it.  Everyone handles it different. People struggle years with it. In Williams case it got the very best of him.  In my case I healed. But it was a strong struggle. I advocate on depression. I help a lending hand, I sit and talk to people. Why? Because when I was 20 years old I struggled with  postpartum depression.  I myself often heard the question Why? To this day I couldn't tell you why. I had a brand new beautiful red head little girl, a family that supported me, and I has friends come in left and right. So why be depressed?  Depression is a disease/ illness that takes over your mind in my opinion. It's like it trains your thoughts to think these off the wall things. It makes you feel worthless. All I wanted to do was die. Also with PPD not all people want the child dead. In my case I never had thoughts oh hurting my child but my thoughts were wanting me dead. I hated life and the medicine doesn't take the pain away. It numbs it but everything is still there in the morning when you wake up. 

I struggled for a year nearly with this to the point I was being diagnosed with postpartum blues.  My end was in sight. My parents suggested counseling. I did counseling for nearly a month and half. I got all a long what I needed and that was a stranger to just listen and understand what I was feeling wasn't truly what I wanted to feel. She gave me advice on healing not her opinion.  Truthfully that's all someone wants is someone to listen not someone to tell them oh your fine you'll feel better in a few days. Because in reality that's what you wanted but your mind fought you. I didn't ask for this to take over me. I had a daughter for almost a year I missed her life because I struggled with this crippling disease/illness.  My daughter turn one. My healing began. I put everything in Gods hand. I'll never forget that feeling of that prayer. I told God that I have fought hard for something for a year now. It was then I started to heal. I started to see the light and day. My purpose was to be a mom. She was and still is my life along with her little brother.

My beautiful little red head will be 9 years old in just a matter of days. I haven't missed a beat of her life since healing from PPD. I never want to have to struggle with that. I never want to have to miss out on my children's life because my body and mind controlled every aspect of my life. I wanted to be free and after time I was free.

For those that have never gone through depression and I mean full blown depression please don't judge those who have. Instead lend a helping hand, lend an ear.  Don't face them with your problems give them your shoulder to lean on. Because you will be really surprised to find out exactly what just being there for someone can do for them.

Robin Williams, committed suicide, but in the end he wasn't in his right mind. Depression took over, the wandering thoughts of being dead got the best of him.

If you or anyone that you know is suffering from depression there is help out there.  When time permitting I will find the hot line numbers.

But in the mean time, if you just need someone to listen who has gone through it please shoot me an email.

dedep2013@hotmail.com

The knot they found.

As you follow my blog you have learned that I have had issues with my breast. Mainly them hurting.  A few weeks ago, I went in and finally done the dreaded pap smear. Thinking I was going in for just that. I heard the famous words, please undress everything. Excuse you!!! There is only one person I enjoy undressing in front of and it isn't a female doctor.  My normal exam turned into a life threatening thought. I was terrified for the next week. When she done the breast exam she felt a knot in my breast. YES, I have felt them before and got them checked. This time though it was more terrifying the thought of someone who knew what they were doing actually found the knot.  Waited impatiently for a week to have a mammogram done.  I was very relieved to learn that again it was just tissue knots. This time though the radiologist went into detail as to what was going on.  I am a heavy chested woman have been since I was about 12.  But he said that I'm experiencing what they call tissue ripping and causing dense knots  My breast are starting to sag (joys of having kids), but since sagging normally occurs in older woman my body is reacting and the tissue dense which is  up causing the knots. Painful knots!!

However, to woman, young woman, or anyone of the female body! Please take mammograms and pap smears seriously.  Although they are the most uncomfortable test to go through it can be life saving!