Don't Lose Sight Of What Matters Most

Scrolling through Facebook like I do every night before heading to bed. I come across a short cartoon "film" playing along with Ed Sherrans song, Perfect.  Which has not been the first one I've seen played to this song. Matter of fact the first one brought me to tears because the messaged I received was that you only get one mom and one dad, so to speak. I do understand some get bonus parents but its story was s child sent their mom a robot because they couldn't make it in. When the robot died, all they needed was batteries. At the end of that one the mother died and the robot tried to "change" her batteries but it doesn't work that way. One we die we are home to make the best of life.  Anyways, tonight was about to young kids starting out with small beverage stands. They compete so hard against each other for years with bigger and better stands. Before the end they lose sight to the true meaning of why they started the stands in the first place. Once they quit competing and working against each other and started working together they realized their together small little fruits and veggies stand was really what mattered the most.

It was a short cute film that even  when feeling down and out because you dont have what someone else has that it doesnt make you less of a person. To remember having the better and bigger things in life doesnt define your happiness.

I also feel this short film showed me to always stay humble and not let trying to be better than the next person cause you to lose sight of what matters most.

The Occasionally Chaotic Mom,

Diedra

Mental Illness

Mental illness disorders, yes there is a wide range of disorders that are labeled as a mental illness, but it affects your mood, the way you think, and your behavior. A lot of times people who suffer with a mental illness disorder doesn't notice it. It a lot of times are often seen by outsiders looking in.  Its not some sick disease you can catch from someone and it affects people differently than others.  What I am about to share is my struggles with mental illness along with my own opinion. My opinion alone may shock you.

As a teenager I was diagnosed simply with bipolar. Back then I wasn't medicated because mine was affected more by hormone change, I was young, and in all honesty was told suck it up. Which ultimately in the end helped me more than it harmed me.  After that it was never really spoke of. Until I had my daughter at 20 years old, and I suffered horribly with post partum depression until I was diagnosed by a psychologist as to having post partum blues. I had it almost a year and a half. It took anti-depressants and counseling to help see my way through a very dark hole. Mental Illness doesn't discriminate against anyone. Neither does, addiction (I have touched on that a little on my blog, but willing to open up more about it.) However, after my counseling and anti-depressants I became "normal" again but I would experience moments where I could feel sad but have no reason why. I had moments where I hated everything around me but no reason why.  I have moments, doesn't mean I am depressed all the time. Matter of fact, I have been diagnosed recently with Mild Manic Bipolar Depression due to environmental changes, it is controlled tho. I don't take medicine for it, I chose not to this time, because unlike some people I've learned how to cope with it. I know when it's coming on, I can feel it. I lose motivation to do anything, I lose the desire to want to get out of my house.  But with that being said. I will say that I suffer more with it in the winter time.  That's why it's due to environmental changes. It's because for example days like today where it's dreary, wet, cold, miserable outside. I become irritable, it's like come on mother nature I need some sun light.  But it doesn't affect me horribly until we start getting FRIGID temperatures, and we get tons of snow and ice. Where, I am from, that don't happen often but the years it does, it happens all winter long to the point I become trapped. I don't like feeling trapped.  That's where I get to wanting to feel something, I become manic. I want to get out. I want to do anything in my power to feel something. But just because I have this diagnosis doesn't mean I suffer everyday with it, some people do. I'm lucky enough I suffer rarely with my depression but I do suffer with general anxiety . 

I get anxious out of no where because nothing seems to be going as planned.  My biggest trigger tho, is my kids, there where abouts, if it's storming and making sure everything is in place in case something happens. It' sucks during times like that, but I make it through it. 

I do however feel like an oddball because I experience depression and mental illness differently than what you usually hear with those that suffer. 

Now, its time to get a few things done and get ready to go get my son from school later. 

The Occasionally Chaotic Mom

Diedra

Thunder In January!!

I'm being absolutely serious at this very moment it is lightening and thundering in good I'm southern Missouri in the middle of January.

1. The storm is either one that popped up out of no where and the weather channel wasn't expecting it. 

2. The weather channel was off by almost seven hours due to it wasn't suppose to have gotten any thunderstorm until 6 am.

3. Lastly the other option is this storm is moving way faster than expected and will be followed by the snow storm predicted coming early as well.

What's more alarming now more than ever is the storm came in very little and light. The minute I get up to check on my son who is terrified of storms we had a thunder hit and it was so loud that it sounded as if someone shot a gun. Needless to say my son has three blankets on him one being weighted and he's noise cancel ear phones.  But however, I do believe and pray its just passing through because your girl here don't like very angry thunderstorms. Such as the shuttle thundering and lightning was calming, relaxing, even making me sleepy. The angry lightning and thunder that has my son terrified now has my adrenaline pumping.

A. When weather turns out unexpected where you are from how do you handle it?
B.Does it affect your anxiety if you have anxiety in general?
C.Do you by chance have a child or children that are terrified of storms?

I will answer my own questions to you, because I feel as humans in general deal, cope, and handle things differently in unexpected situations but may have something that others can add in their loves to help them as well.

A. My answer to this probably in all situations help anyone because I really don't have a specific answer. The reason behind this is because I am from southeastern Missouri where all joking aside we can see or experience all four seasons in one week. Such as we are having a thunderstorm in the middle of January and the temperature will rise to almost 50 degrees by 4 a.m. with rain chances of 100% all day. However around I believe the last time I looked around 8 a.m. the temps will start dropping and it is suppose to start snowing by early afternoon. So pretty much for us I say 97% of the time we don't know how to handle unexpected weather because most of the time the weather people can't even tell you what to expect until it hits. During severe thunderstorms where its the angry adrenaline pumping storm we seriously wing it. Usually once the weather storm teams pick it up on radar they start giving us warnings as to how long before it hits.

2. Anxiety, usually my mental illness and I will touch more on this in another blog but I do have general anxiety, mild manic bipolar depressive disorder (I am saying mild due to although I experience the mania, mood changes, mine is more effected by winter weather and most times its controllable due to where we live. And I am no longer on prescription depression meds because over the years ive learned how to control it or learned triggers. Again more on that later)
But unless we start having tornado warnings for example the last two springs we have had a tornado hit just south where we live, like blocks from my house, and north a few miles from of us. Then usually I try and remain calm but still in mommy near mode.

3. Last but Not least, are my children terrified of storms? My son is autistic, you seriously tell a day or two when a storm is comimg because of his sudden mood changes. Like tonight hours before this unexpected storm hit he was extremely emotional. Weve been told by therapist and psychologist the barometric pressure mess with those who are autistic. But believe what terrifies him the most is due to he has never liked loud noises.  Now my daughter on the other hand she loves storms. They don't bother her to much. She gets that from her daddy (My fiance, Ken) .

Now its 11:30 PM and it the storm has right now  left behind its rain (lol) but for the most part the thunder is off in the distance and havent seem lightning in about eight minutes. There for think its safe to try and go to sleep.

Thanks for hanging around until the end, Goodnight My Friends.

The Occasionally Chaotic Mom,

Diedra

Being Positive In A Negative Atmosphere

No matter your new years plans, resolutions, goals, or even just things you strive to do better in as a spouse, parents, or a sibling. 

LETS FACE IT, all them things are great but you need to make sure to remind yourself that we all have bad days, sometimes bad weeks, and even sometimes it seems a bad month or year.

Yesterday, January 17th was a very trying, negative, and very lets be honest pissy day.  Day started normal as usual but some mornings with my so very loving and handsome son are extremely hard. I have spoke on him being Autistic and ADHD.  So, when he gets his mind on something particular such as yesterday morning a cartoon that he wanted to watch. His focus on getting ready or taking his medicine was out the window.  Once the TV was turned off, all hell broke loose. It was like a scene from Jurassic Park. Yes, alot of it was he wasn't getting his way, therefor he was getting in trouble. (Yes, I still discipline my child no matter what his diagnosis is.)  We don't live far from the school so we don't normally leave until about 15 to 10 mins before school starts.  Not only was my morning started out with piss poor rage.  That's when some of the positive thoughts started playing a role in the day, even though its a very negative situation.  I knew that my car was really low on gas, I knew I had enough to get him to school and run to the gas station. Well, my car has an oil leak that we just really haven't had the money to get fixed just yet, mainly because well it's the air flow sensor that's cracked I think that's leaking the oil. Or at least thats what we have been told. But to fix that on our car, the engine has to be completely moved. We have a friend that is going to fix it for 300 dollars, thats 800 dollars cheaper than putting it in the shop. Well, our friend had to have surgery is out of commission for a few months.  Now, back to yesterday, leaving my driveway and getting on the road to the school, my gas light started dinging and my car more less came to a complete stop. However, where we live on our block has another opening that goes down a hill. I was able to get down that hill and pick up enough speed to make it to my driveway. I seriously thought we were completley out of gas. I called Ken, he told me when he went on break in 20 minutes hed run home and get gas. Well, I noticed when I got to my driveway, my car alone never shut off, steering wheel never locked up like it does when it shuts off. It was because the car didn't have enough time to warm up before I took off out of the driveway in a raging fit. You are probably thinking by now, what is positive about your care breaking down. Well, Brayden and I had 30 minutes to sit in peace and quite and reflect on how the morning was. By time Ken got home to run him to school real fast, he got up and wouldn't leave until he hugged and kissed me goodbye.  But before the mishap with my car, my 9 year old couldn't stand me and told me he rather daddy pick him up from school because he was angry with me. 

There is always something to be positive about and look forward too. Although I will say my day in general was just a very crappy day due to the weather.  In all that it made me realize no matter what as a human I strive for this new year, that I need to remind myself I will have bad days, at times feel like a failure, but to remember there is always something positive. That sometimes God, stops us in our tracks to reflect and remember that he's still in control. 

Hope you are able to take something in your life that is negatively impacting you and find the positive. 

The Occasionally Chaotic Mom, 

Diedra

I've Come To A Temporary Decision

I love blogging and find enjoyment doing it. I also find enjoyment in reaching out and helping others through things I've gone through or goimg through. I have an Instagram @hopeandlifeafteralll that tells a little about some of my struggles with mental illness and once addiction. I have spoke on getting a blog started to follow with that account and leave this for my occasionally chaotic life but have made a temporary decision that I am going to blog just on this account about everything.

One of my reasoning is as I'm sure you can see I have struggled with posting regular and for 2019 I wanted to make it a mission to change that, so instead of adding another blog account I want to focus on posting here more regular.

My other reason is because my struggles and my past addiction is apart of my chaotic life. At times its the reason I've struggled with consistency on my blog. 

With all that said, I hope you enjoy more from me and my chaotic life. Because a mother of a teenager and one hitting double digits next month, who both have different personalities and a fiance of seven years I definitely have stories to tell.

So if you like buckle up (or ya don't have to buckle up) and enjoy my Occassionally Chaotic Life that even with the struggles I love.

Sincerely The Occasionally Chaotic Mom,
Diedra

Lets Talk Opinions

In this day in time it seems people have become so uptight when it comes to opinions.  People are experiencing fear among their own thoughts and beliefs. This world is so full of hatred that we can't even share our own opinions on our own beliefs without being fearful of being ridiculed.

Well we all have our own opinions and we shouldn't fear sharing them.

I have many topics I can't wait to share with you all but first I want to bring forth my opinion on the partial government shutdown.

I totally agree with "building" a wall to stop more illegal immigrants coming into American. I, however, dont agree with the government shutdown. Here is why, and totally my own outlook an opinion on it. Yes, I do know people who agree with me.

There are many Americans who work these government jobs that arent getting paid to do so.

Cutting off funding for food stamps and WIC is absurd.  No, I am not oblivously naive to the fact people do abuse the systems. But not everyone does. There are genuine people who work and bust there asses that need the extra help. There are elderly people who busted their asses working to now need extra help just to get by.  WIC help feed babies. Do I feel babies will starve, no but before its all said and done if the shutdown last it will hurt everyone economically. 

I also feel if the "illegal immigrants" are already in the states by work visa most likely, they have maintain that visa and are still doing things the right way, and/or have made a family here, should not be deported. That they should be given a legitimate chance to obtain citizen ship. 

Again even thought I dont agree with how things are being down doesnt mean I hate our president.  I do NOT agree with some things that are being said about him, toward him, or Even his family. No matter the hatred or disagreement you have against anyone, should not make you a cyber bully. Because that is what it is, cyber bullying.

Again my own opinions.

I plan on hoping way sooner than later making a post solely on food stamps. Because although government assitance comes in all kinds a ways. The food stamp topic in itself is the worse. Before endimg this to begin that post I will say that in the last few years I have never seen so many people come out of the woodwork (internet hiding, keyboard warriors, as Ive seen since the day Trump was elected president. As well as in the last week alone I have never seen so many judgemental people as I have in literally the last six days.

Again these are my opinions. .
Love you all

Diedra

What's Ahead For 2019?

Resolutions, I don't like making them to be honest.  I feel like a lot of times its just a New year tradition that it started way back when and people got accustom to have resolutions. Therefor,  I don't really have a resolution but things I want to improve or things I'd love to achieve with the mindset that if I don't achieve them; that its ok. 

That leads me into what's ahead for 2019, things that I may achieve before 2020 but won't beat myself up if I don't.   It may have a lot but somethings can tie into each other.

2019 I want to:
* Get Organized; because lets face it I try so hard to "be" organized but in reality I live within a very cluttered mind.
*Let go of things I can not control.
* I want to start Vlogging & blogging more. (Which I know I have mention a few post back about starting a new one that strictly focuses around mental illness. Well I'm hoping to get that going soon, maybe tomorrow get it up and running. But lets face it, I havent had a chance to start it due to the holidays.)
* Be more adventurous
*More Date nights with Ken(I want to strive for one every month)
* Girls night (ya know, we all grow up and have families of our own)
* more one on one time with my kids and together with both.

Those are just a few things, I have more that I've wrote down in my planner, so I will add more when I get to it.

You may ask about why the two blogs, well because when starting this one I wanted to focus around things that was more family and lifestyle. But in the last two years I have experience a lot from my mental illness even to this day  and feel that by sharing my stories through, addiction, anxiety, depression, and sobriety that it will show and help others in knowing there is Hope And Life After All. So stay tuned my friends. We have winter weather moving in and well I don't like winter to begin with but when ya throw in an icy mix, I turn into a homebody.

Anyways, its way past my bedtime, well kind of because bedtime is different for me every night.

So share your New Year thoughts, things you want to approve, or if you make a resolution. Tell me....

Love
Diedra