Where have I been?

To be honest I haven't been anywhere but have been going through a lot. I have so much going on that deep down it stole my motivation, my drive, my love for anything.  

Tuesday July 12th, 2016 I finally broke. I had enough. I have always struggled with depression. Usually it's seasonal depression. Meaning during some seasons I get depressed. Honestly it is usually just winter time. But in the last few weeks it has been summer. If it isn't the heat keeping you cooped up to think about all your stress and worries it's mosquitos carrying you away. Tuesday I finally broke. I cried more than I have in years. But it was good for me to do so. I needed it.  I cried because I was tired of fighting all the stress. Tired of seeing the mountainous piles of clothing in my house that somewhere down the line I let go.  I also am tired of hurting. I have issues with my back after my pregnancy with Brayden. He damaged my sciatic nerve. Well this last week due to added stress and more stress added learning I lost my insurance coverage. I had to transfer my medicine to somewhere cheaper. I do take tramadol. It helps with the pain to be able to walk. But due to transferring wasn't able to get it filled until today.  And even though it helps with the physical pain. I do struggle with stress emotionally.  I mean by that is, Ken works I budget and pay the bills. Something k use to be great at. To some where down the line I let get away from me. Although we are trying to catch up. It seems there is no light at the end of the tunnel. 

But it's 11:33 pm, I'm tired and ready for bed. I'm gonna smoke one last cig to make sure Ry or Bray doesn't come wake me up. Because Lord knows it seems the minute I am passed out asleep here comes one if not both, 

Night. 

 

Come back ya hear. 

*remember if you know someone battling with depression and although it's a daily battle remember their bad days are horrible. Sometimes leaving them to believe that they are better off dead.  Suicide is probably one of the number one causes of deaths in people with depression whose bad days seemed to never end. Whether it be one "bad" day or many. Depression is a horrible disease and in most cases is treatable. And in a lot of cases all someone needed was someone to talk to. To make them believe that their bad day is just that a bad day. *